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Are oysters really the food of love?

So it’s V Day this weekend and you’ve probably heard that chocolate and asparagus are the foods to put you in the mood, but is it true?

The short answer is yes, but not in the way you might think.

Sadly, necking a concoction of chilli and pomegranates is not a simple shortcut to a night of passion, but the very act of eating can lead your mind down a path to the bedroom, which in turn could bring your body along for the *ahem* ride.

The foods most likely to push all the right buttons will stimulate your senses of sight, smell, taste and touch. Smooth, rich, creamy, exotic and spicy ingredients are all worth stocking up on if you’re planning some netflix and chill.

Those foods that have been touted as aphrodisiacs fall into five categories:

Those that create warmth, such as chilli or curry.
Heavily seeded fruits, such as pomegranates and figs.
The unmistakeably phallic – carrots, asparagus and leeks.
Animal reproductive organs: sun-dried bull’s testicle anyone?
Exotic foods and spices. Historically, the humble spud was considered sexy, precisely because it was so rare.

Oh and finally, a word about booze. 16th century physicians worked out that although a beer or two might help you pluck up the courage to cop a feel, any more than that is more likely to induce brewer’s droop than bump and grind.

You have been warned.